These are one-liners, but pretty hilarious!
I really love a good joke or riddle, and I'm not sure why anyone wouldn't!
So when I stumbled on these and after sharing some with Tee, I said to him "You know I have to blog about this right?".
I wish I had shared them earlier so you could use them on Christmas Day, but it's still the holiday season, so I'm sure it's still useful. Most of them are actually riddles though so you could see how smart your friends are. A few came up at our office Christmas party and definitely got a lot of laughter around the table.
Let's get right into it!
1. What is the best Christmas present in the world
- A broken drum - you just can't beat it!
2. What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk?
- Jingle Smells!
3. Why are Christmas Trees like bad Knitters?
- They keep loosing their needles
4. What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree?
- Nice gnawing you!
5. What Christmas carol is heard in the Desert?
- O camel ye faithful!
6. What did Adam say too his wife on the day before Christmas
- It's Christmas, Eve!
7. What do you call a cat in the desert?
- Sandy Claws
8. What song do you sing at a snowman's birthday party?
- Freeze a jolly good fellow!
9. What do you get when you meet a snowman with a vampire?
10. Who is Santa's favourite Singer?
- Elf-is Presley!
11. What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
12. What do Santa's little helpers learn at school?
- The elf-abet!
13. What did Santa say to the smoker?
- Please don't smoke, it's bad for my elf!
14. What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
- A Christmas Quacker
15. Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?
- Because he had low "elf"esteem!
16. Why does Santa have three gardens?
- So he can "ho ho ho'!"
17. What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a Chimney?
(This one took me a while to get!.. Like Santa Claus.. Claustrophobia!)
18. What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?
- He got 25 days!
19. Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars
- Because their days are numbered!
20. What Athlete is warmest in winter?
- A long jumper
21. What did the stamp say to the Christmas card?
- Stick with me and we'll go places
22. Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?
- Because they were too dear!
23. Did Rudolph go to school?
- No. He was Elf-taught!
24. What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month?
- The Letter D
25. How does a snowman lose weight?
- He waits for the weather to get warmer!
26. Which football team did the baby Jesus support?
- Manger-ster United!
27. What do you call an old snowman?
28. Who delivers presents to cats?
- Santa Paws!
29. Why don't you ever see a Santa at the hospital?
- Because he's got private 'elf' care!
30. What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?
(Get it? The living Christmas trees are called Pines)
31. What is the worst disease that you get at Christmas?
32. How do sheep in Spain say Merry Christmas?
- Fleece Navidad!
33. Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
- A mince spy
(Well, good play on Mincepie!)
34. What do snowmen eat for lunch?
- Iceburgers or Frost Flakes
35. Which of Santa’s reindeers have to mind their manners most?
36. Why does Santa go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
- Because it 'soots' him!
37. What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective?
- Santa Clues!
38. What do you call Father Christmas in the beach?
- Sandy Clause!
39. What did the sea Say to Santa?
- Nothing! It just waved!
40. What is the most competitive season?
41. Why is Santa so good at karate?
- Because he has a black belt!
42. What Christmas carol is a favourite of parents?
- Silent Night.
43. What do call Santa when he stops moving?
- Santa Pause!
44. How do you scare a snowman?
- You get a hairdryer!
45. How do you know when Santa's in the room?
- You can sense his presents!
46. Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
- Because he wanted to sleep like a log!
47. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
48. If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
49. What kind of ball doesn’t bounce?
- A snowball!
50. Why did they let the chicken join the band?
- Because he had the drum sticks.
51. What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
- Thanks, I’ll never part with it!
(Get it? He's bald and can't make a part on his hair!)
52. What do vampires put on their Christmas turkey?
53. How is the Christmas alphabet different from the ordinary alphabet?
- The Christmas alphabet has 'NO L'. (Noel)
54. Why wasn’t the turkey hungry at Christmas time?
- He was stuffed!
55. What’s a dog’s favourite carol?
- Bark, the herald angels sing
56. Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party?
- He had no body to go with
57. What Nationality is Santa Claus?
- North Polish
58. Rudolph was looking out the window when he said, “It’s going to rain.”
His wife asked, “How do you know?”
“Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
(Haha. Play on "Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer"!)
59. How do Christmas trees keep their breath fresh?
- By sucking 'orna-mints!'
60. What do you call Rudolph when he has lots of snow in his ears?
- Anything you like! He can't hear you.
61. What do you call a Christmas tree with a really big nose?
62. Where does Santa Hang his suit after Christmas?
- In the Claus-et!
63. What did one Christmas angel say to the other?
- Halo There!
64. What is the favorite Mexican food of snowmen?
65. What did the spider request for Christmas?
- A computer!. So it could find all the best websites!
66. How do you decorate canoes for Christmas?
- With 'oar-naments'!
67. What's a wolf's favourite carol?
- Deck the Howls!
Okay, the end!
I really started off intending to just share a few and then I couldn't stop myself.
I know some are really cheesy and after the answers you're like 'oh common!'. But did you enjoy them even slightly? or you guessed most of the answers?
Leave us a comment, and share your favourites from above or any other good clean holiday jokes you've got. Also feel free to share the post with friends and family.
pS; This post slightly reminds me of how much fun I had on this: 85 Words That Are Different in American & British English. And if you need a few more laughs, check out this compilation of First Date Disaster Stories!. If you're after something more serious, 25 Microsoft Word Shortcuts that are Definitely Worth Knowing is a good one!